Window To Your Soul

My old English lecturer, Mr. Waheed, made an impression on me when we met him on the first day of the class. He looked at us, all quiet in anticipation in our place,with those big eyes of his and said "Look into my eyes, I want to see your eyes. Because your eyes are the window to your soul". Those words stayed with me even though it has been close to 10 years since it was last spoken. He was fun though, once kicked us out of the class because we came late. Hey, it wasn't my fault really. My friend overslept and I, being the loyal friend that I am, stayed and waited for him together with my best friend in college. And so the three of us were kicked out and I was so pissed because I tried to explain it to him, but maybe he was pissy too, so I missed my favorite class that day. Truth be told, he was a fun and loving guy and taught us a lot about growing up.

Anyway, back to those eyes thingy. Ever since that day, I took his lead and tried to look into everyone's eyes when I speak to them, in the hope that maybe I can peek into that someone's soul and maybe discover what lies beneath. Trouble is, I myself have the same problem myself. People who know me that well can testify, that they can 'see' my inner thoughts just by looking into my eyes. I am a bad liar with my eyes and face, I just could not control my emotions without it being expressed via my face or my eyes. But the eyes are truly the one that I cannot really hide. I can hide the twitch in my mouth, or just laugh things off to hide things, but my eyes...sigh, it's just hopeless.

My eyes betrayed me a lot of times. There was once when I was trying to tackle this girl, during my uni days, and our eyes met. In those split second I can tell that we had a connection and she too were able to understand my feelings. It is fascinating, and scary at the same time. The end of the story? I did managed to get the girl's attention, and we talked all night long (nothing happened here, just in case you were wondering...). And I have to admit, she has this big, wonderful, beautiful eyes...perhaps a case of love at 'first sight'?

So next time, when you spend some time with your friends or your loved ones, look deeper into their eyes and try to see what's in store for you. You might have a pleasant surprise yourself, or not. And since my secret is already out, I need to go and buy some shades now, just in case you guys bump into me. We wouldn't want that to happen now, wouldn't we?

God, Are You There? It's Me...

I have many reasons to be thankful with my life right now. So many things are falling into the its rightful place, so many things to be grateful for. I am surrounded by many people who care and appreciate me, loved ones and friends, I have a good job which recently has just got better in terms of remuneration and I have been blessed in so many other ways when things didn't even seemed to happen according to plan, well, according to my plan anyway most of the time.

I have mentioned about believing in God in some previous post earlier, about a Creator that is more than just a programmer of things. Somehow the notion that we are just "puppets" living in the show disturbs me a great deal. Maybe because deep inside, I hate to be "controlled" or not having my own destiny within my hands. But how do I explain things which I don't even planned for, things which happened to be some of the best highlights of my life? Could it be that I don't even know what is good for me and that by coincidence this thing happened? Well, I don't believe in coincidences or fate. And since I did not do anything to gain such a thing, and fate and coincidences don't exist, the only thing left is Providence. Someone out there must have loved me so much that he decided to set my life on the right track and puts me back in the balance.

I have a different view about God now, not so much as the one who punishes and rewards, but as an ordinary friend just like all of my friends. He becomes more than just the God of the Bible or the Sunday school classes. And he is much more than just Providence. His is an existence which happens to be so natural and so ordinary that sometimes we fail to see it. I have been taught in my early years that God is a supreme Being that smites the wicked and lavish blessings on the good (Gosh, whatever happens to Sunday school sylabus) . But I have come to know that God is not that easy, and he's certainly no merchant. So, who is God actually?

Someone told me that all the things in the universe are created by God and he is the source of everything. But someone told me an even more meaningful way of reflecting on creation. He said that "God creates everything in this world and sustains it in his great mind. When he ceases to remember or hold you in his mind, you are done for". Now imagine this, God sustaining us in his mind and remembers us all the time! And to think that I prayed "God please remember to bless me and make my work smooth, etc, etc.." and I was in God's mind all the time! Wow! Now that is a friend that I would gladly die for. Someone who remembers me ALL the time, not 'most' of the time, but ALL the time. And all this while, when I cried he remembers. When I was happy and joyful, he was there to share it. When I was in pain, he was there all along.

Life is not only GOOD, life is GREAT. Because life is GOD and me.