God, Are You There? It's Me...

I have many reasons to be thankful with my life right now. So many things are falling into the its rightful place, so many things to be grateful for. I am surrounded by many people who care and appreciate me, loved ones and friends, I have a good job which recently has just got better in terms of remuneration and I have been blessed in so many other ways when things didn't even seemed to happen according to plan, well, according to my plan anyway most of the time.

I have mentioned about believing in God in some previous post earlier, about a Creator that is more than just a programmer of things. Somehow the notion that we are just "puppets" living in the show disturbs me a great deal. Maybe because deep inside, I hate to be "controlled" or not having my own destiny within my hands. But how do I explain things which I don't even planned for, things which happened to be some of the best highlights of my life? Could it be that I don't even know what is good for me and that by coincidence this thing happened? Well, I don't believe in coincidences or fate. And since I did not do anything to gain such a thing, and fate and coincidences don't exist, the only thing left is Providence. Someone out there must have loved me so much that he decided to set my life on the right track and puts me back in the balance.

I have a different view about God now, not so much as the one who punishes and rewards, but as an ordinary friend just like all of my friends. He becomes more than just the God of the Bible or the Sunday school classes. And he is much more than just Providence. His is an existence which happens to be so natural and so ordinary that sometimes we fail to see it. I have been taught in my early years that God is a supreme Being that smites the wicked and lavish blessings on the good (Gosh, whatever happens to Sunday school sylabus) . But I have come to know that God is not that easy, and he's certainly no merchant. So, who is God actually?

Someone told me that all the things in the universe are created by God and he is the source of everything. But someone told me an even more meaningful way of reflecting on creation. He said that "God creates everything in this world and sustains it in his great mind. When he ceases to remember or hold you in his mind, you are done for". Now imagine this, God sustaining us in his mind and remembers us all the time! And to think that I prayed "God please remember to bless me and make my work smooth, etc, etc.." and I was in God's mind all the time! Wow! Now that is a friend that I would gladly die for. Someone who remembers me ALL the time, not 'most' of the time, but ALL the time. And all this while, when I cried he remembers. When I was happy and joyful, he was there to share it. When I was in pain, he was there all along.

Life is not only GOOD, life is GREAT. Because life is GOD and me.

Life Or Something Like It

This is my first 'official' post for this blog, and what better way to start than to reflect on the most important thing in the world? Life. Aye, THE word that has been overplayed, overused, underrated and manipulated by all and asunder. Most people would start by narrating that their life sucks big time, and quote the sage's wisdom from Confucius to Barack Obama on how to achieve balance in their life, to create "change that we could believe in", to quote the new American president's famous words.

See, I believe that like me, most people just don't realize how lucky they are. Take for instance, my job. It's a mundane day-to-day job, same-old-same-old thing that might become a tad-bit too easy for me. I literally have to drag myself out of bed every morning and have a F1 moment speeding and beating traffic lights just to reach the office on time. I have no problems paying my bills, and occasionally have some 'happy hours' time with friends or having that good meal once a month. The pay isn't really big, but more than enough. And job security-wise, I am quite safe, I guess. but of course everybody wish they will have more. But just look around you. Some people are losing their jobs, others forced to take leave which they don't want to take. A reason to be thankful...

My life lately is like a boat on the sea. I am being pushed from side-to-side, and I feel empty inside. I hate evenings, coz it reminds me of all the good memories that I have experienced, and it made me sad. Huh? Good memories that made you sad? Unfortunately yes, such a thing do exists in my world and there's nothing worse than standing inside your own world as the lights go dim and being all alone. Worse still when you can't do anything about it. I feel like screaming, but lest my feelings betrayed me, I tried to keep it inside. Ever tried that for therapy?

Before I am being accused of being a whiner and immature for crying like a baby deep inside, let me just put this straight. I love my life the way it is. My journey is far from perfect, the road that lies ahead are full of potholes and no doubt, more hurt will be waiting. But I am trying to stand up like a man, take it on the chin and get up again. I am thankful for the memories, gosh I miss all of them. I have been blessed by God with wonderful persons around me, along my journey. But yes, I am still hurting and boy, it hurts like hell. It hurts even more at night and the morning just keeps reminding me of that pain again and again. What I have learned from this is, no matter how 'lucky' you feel you are, life is going to be there to slap you in the face and give you a harsh lesson, and if you are unprepared to get up, life ends there for you.

Oh what the hell...!!! Now where's that Dunhill of mine..?

Pieces of My Heart

Each little step taken,
Each little kisses stolen,
Each little hearts broken,
Each lives intertwined and woven.

Sweet moments remembered,
Bittersweet lies recovered,
Short and living, long and dying,
Pieces of my heart you are,
Reminders of life full of scar,
Glorious reminder of a star,
Fading and lifeless afar.